Branch or tree?

I know many of you have school-aged kids. And I know it’s quite a common occurrence for kids to come home from school or a playdate and share how their feelings have been hurt by something a friend said.

While there are several parts to responding to this sort of thing, I want to share one analogy I made up and taught my daughter that gives her strength.

I invited her to imagine a strong tree trunk, and next to it, a thin branch with leaves.

Suddenly, along comes a gust of wind. The trunk stays sturdy, unfazed by what is happening. The leafy branch holds on for dear life, twisting and turning in the wind. After, it is left a bit broken, with some leaves missing. (To engage kids properly it can help to act this out. Try to embarrass yourself as much as possible).

I told her that like the wind, other people’s words and actions are not something we can control, but can sometimes throw us off. While hurt feelings are normal, what we think of ourselves must be sturdy, like the tree. Because the speed of the wind is nothing to do with the trees or the branches, as the hurtful words are not about the receiver.

This morning I had my hands full at the stove, with a baby at my feet, and she came to me with something a bit cheeky my son had said that hurt her feelings. Unable to properly sit for a chat, I asked her “branch or tree?”

“Tree” she said, and walked away with a smile.