Mumspiration Post #1: Ellie Lemons
I was lucky enough to get the opportunity to ask Ellie (@ellielemons) a few questions about motherhood, balance and staying connected to our kids.
Ellie, I gotta say: I am in awe of you as a mother. You don’t only bring the important things to Rocky’s days - like nature, love, connection, immense gratitude, stillness and play - you seem to magnify and then radiate these things into her life and yours. Your writing, your mentality, grounds me. And I hope to pass that on to anyone who reads this.
What are 3 of the most important messages you hope Rocky receives from her childhood?
1. I hope she knows she is loved before any materialistic items, any talents and any good deeds. Just as existing she is loved and that is enough.
2. Her existence has made my life infinitely better in every single way.
3. I hope she leaves childhood with the ability to feel her feelings and emotional intelligence.
What has helped you find your balance between being the mother that you are, while still connecting to yourself as a woman, outside of motherhood?
Oh man, this is such a tough one for me because I really thought once I became a mother everything would fall into place and make sense and I would be 100% fulfilled. So when that didn’t happen I pretty much had to rebuild what a mother is in my mind.
I think the understanding that I am a human first, then a woman, then a mother. I still have all the needs everyone else does, I still have every right to have them met and so it is my job to be clear on what they are how and how my support group around me can help me meet them.
I would also say that sometimes in life there are seasons of stillness - and that is what I would call the first year of raising a child. Really it’s a hibernation for you and your Bub before you come out of it into the new world.
And sometimes you’ll need to go inward again because everything becomes too much or your child needs it or you do.
In between those times, that is times where you are mindful of what you need, knowing it will service your little one/s, so whether thats returning to work, setting goals to reach fitness wise or books to read etc. or maybe you just want to be home, but once you come out of hibernation then go for it if thats what you feel you need to do,
But in the times of hibernation understanding although it might not feel that you are moving forward, because those times feel so stagnant, that you are building a foundation for a tiny person that their whole entire being will bounce off through out their life.
I guess when I know it is a time for hibernation - like Rocky is sick or it’s an emotional few weeks because of external things - I can let down my expectations and surrender into it knowing it is only temporary and thats where I need to be. Then my needs shrink - it’s a shower, and a hot meal as opposed to working/assignments/friend catch ups and all the other elements that make me, me.
One thought/ritual/aspect of your day that you believe:
Allows you to stay present with Rocky: I really really try to get into her world - it’s help me reconnect with my little self - I wonder what I would of thought of this game at my age, and just really submerging myself with her - it also brings out a lot of play and thats really fun!
Breeds gratitude: I write down the facts of my life every single time when things get too much. It helps me see the good and also helps me validate the not so great at the time - this helps me stay grateful while also not bypassing what I’m feeling.
While you clearly cherish and love motherhood, you are always refreshingly real. You are upfront about the struggles, the times you felt lonely, dissatisfied or unhappy and the guilt that went along with that. What advice would you give mums who are not enjoying the season they are in?
It’s so normal, unfortunately it’s not spoken about. My advice is ask for help. First and foremost. Talk to friends about it, choose the right friends - the ones who you trust and know have the ability to see past their own perspective.
I found my groove with Rocky around 18 months. She is now 6 and I’ve really really found my groove - this is the best parenting time for me, I love it so much, but some of my friends loved the newborn the most - and so on. Shaming and guilting yourself for being a human with a huge responsibility in a world and society that is only just beginning to value it is hard and can feel lonely, but I promise we are out there!
And also, I don’t speak about this alot but eating well and drinking and doing some form of exercise even if just yoga, for you - is going to go a really long way in how you feeling about yourself and your energy levels and so on. So if you can afford it, get a blood test, top up what’s needed in your body through food or supplements if recommended and be open to feeling better.
What is one thing every parent can start doing today to connect more deeply with their child/ren?
Listen. So much so, just listen <3